Dear Mr. Collins,
I am still waiting hoping to hear from you.
I loaned Randy a book of mine some time ago. “The Wisdom of No Escape.” I didn’t really think expect him to read it. But I was at his apartment recently, picking up some things for him, and saw my the book there on the table and picked it up and brought it took it with me to read to him, if he wanted me to, and he did. And come to discover, he had underlined passages throughout the book. It is by Pema Chödrön, a Buddhist num {sic} who I have great respect for her.
Because I was able to, I typed up the underlined passages for myself, and made a copy, which I am including with this letter. I don’t know if it says anything speaks to you about Randy, but these passages say alot to me.
(Read them now.)
Randy has a tumor in his brain. Right now it is slow small but is growing rapidly. Margaret told me that it is only affecting his speech, not his “cognitive” abilities, at least not yet. so far. He doesn’t seem to be in any pain alot of pain. Which is to say he his is fairing {sic} well psychologically.
I am sorry if this letter seems a bit scattered. Your friend is being talk taken well taken care of, and loved around the clock by the wonderful staff at Hospice Austin. He Randy always has a comforting smile to offer. as if to say to me not to worry about him too much. This beautiful young man named Randy Reardon is our connection, Mr. Collins. I do hope to meet you some day. Randy has said so many wonderful things about you.
Peace, Ami
From "The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness" by Pema Chödrön
There is a kind of innocent misunderstanding that we all share...
It isn't a sin that we are in the dark room. It's just an innocent situation, but how fortunate that someone shows us where the light switch is.
The innocent mistake that keeps us caught in our own particular style of ignorance, unkindness, and shut-downness is that we are never encouraged to see clearly what is, with gentleness. Instead, there's a kind of basic misunderstanding that we should try to be better than we already are, that we should try to improve ourselves, that we should try to get away from painful things, and that if we could just learn how to get away from the painful things, then we would be happy. That is the innocent, naive misunderstanding that we all share, which keeps us unhappy.
This is the process of making friends with ourselves and with our world. It involves not just the parts we like, but the whole picture, because it all has a lot to teach us.
The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.
Whatever you're given can wake you up or put you to sleep.
The biggest obstacle to taking a bigger perspective on life is that our emotions capture and blind us.
The trick about nowness is that you can let go and open up again to that space. You can do that at any moment, always. But it does take making friends with yourself. It does take coming to know your anger, coming to know your self-deprecation, coming to know your craving and wanting, coming to know your boredom, and making friends with those things.
Hell is just resistance to life.
Life's work is to wake up.
The only way to do this is to be open, be curious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It's going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate.
We all know what the addiction is; we are primarily addicted to ME.
I'm talking about not resisting, not grasping, not getting caught in hope and in fear, in good and in bad, but actually living completely.
The teachings of the Buddha are about letting go and opening...
You have a certain life, and whatever life you're in is a vehicle for waking up.
If we have an experience of charity or bliss, we want to keep it going. That's what a lot of addiction is about, wanting to feel good forever...
Try to find out what it really means in terms of losing your job, being jilted by your lover, dying of cancer. "Be open and accept all situations and people." How do you do that? Maybe that's the worst advice anybody could give you, but you have to find out for yourself.
You'll come up against all your doubts and fears and your hopes and you'll grapple with that.
Stay open and never...withdraw. Never centralize into yourself.